Mary Anne Bell

Dear Mom and Dad,

 

           I know I said I woul donly be gone for a little while when I said I was leaving on a trip with some friends. The truth is, I came to visit Fossie in Vietnam and believe me when I say this place is something else. There is so much to se, so much to find out, so many new things! How does a Claymore work? What's behind the scary green mountains? I wanted to know everything. I visited a village and fell in love with the simplicity of village life. The mysterious behind this land are just bewildering. Anyways, when I came to visit Fossie I started sneaking away a couple weeks into it. I wanted to see the excitement! So on one of those nights I sneaked off I met the Green Berets which they called the Greenies. The Green Berets are like the Special Forces.

 

            There were six men in the Greenies. I would hear about them vanishing for days or even weeks at a time and then reappearing out of the night. What did they do? Where would they go and why for so long? The way they worked in silence and no one noticed they were back unless they saw them pass by the compound, it intrigued me. So I decided to join them. We didn't just hide in a little fortress behind wire and sandbags like the others. I was involved in ambush and got to see and experience more than just the eye could see and the mouth could describe. I got to experience war first-handed and experience the true Vietnam. When I returned Fossie was furious and wouldn't let me leave with the Greenies anymore. Later I found out he was making arrangements for me to go home. I didn't want to leave and so I fell in a deep depression. To leave this beautiful land, the green jungle along with it's mysteries, I couldn't! There was and still is, too much to experience. I'm sorry to all the people back home but this is my home now. I never want to go back, I am a part of Nam. I can't get enough. That is why I am still here.

 

             I was first a part of the Greenies. Now I am part of Vietnam. I started going barefoot during ambush and without a weapon. The thrill just feels so unreal, I want more. The unnamed pleasure and unnamed terror put a smile on my face. I have some new jewelery. It's a necklace made of human tongues. It's beautiful.

 

             I know you both might be thinking of convincing me to come back but I am going to tell you what I told Fossie. You just don't know. You don't know what it's all about. Sometimes I want to eat this place. Vietnam. I want to swallow the hwole country-- the dirt, the death-- I just want to eat it and have it there inside me. That's how I feel. It's like... this appetite. I get scared sometimes--lot's of times-- but it's not bad.  You know? I feel close to myself. When I'm out there at night, I feel close to my own body, I can feel my blood moving, my skin and my fingernails, everything, it's like I'm full of electricity and I'm glowing in the dark--I'm on fire almost--I'm burning away into nothing-- but it doesn't matter because I know exactly who I am. You can't fell like that anywhere else.

 

                                                                                                                              Love,

                                                                                                                                    Mary Anne Bell